Open Mouth, Insert Foot [9.20.08]

Today was a day of firsts: first bridal shower, and in turn, first awkward bridal shower gift. Due to the current lack of funds for us "college kids", my friend and I agreed to go halfsies. Of course my naiveté got the best of me and I left the gift-getting responsibility entirely up to my friend. Two pairs of underwear and one edible substance later, I came to the regretful realization of cause and effect. It served me right, because I certainly couldn't change the past, but perhaps I could help censor the future. When we arrived at the bridal shower, I mingled like I've never mingled before - possibly because I never had the chance to mingle with a bride-to-be. Regardless, I attempted to make sure that everyone knew I was not responsible for what would occur in the coming moments. Once the betrothed took a plop in her special chair, I began the countdown to our masked mementos. The smaller the present pool became, the harder it was to catch my breath; I began to break out in itchy hives from the mere thought of social embarrassment. Soon enough, the maid of honor handed over our goods; it was the moment of truth, the "D-day" of lingerie. Defense mechanisms kicked in as I shouted "I wanted to get you a wisk!", but it was too late. The bounty had been broadcast over the entire crowd and the gasps were too many to tally. After a nanosecond of reflection, I chose to count my losses and just forget about it; we are all mature adults. The moment I accepted that fact, a certain twelve-year-old attendee caught my eye, and I figuratively hopped into the hole I dug for myself. When did she arrive? Was she always here? Did her mind elicit as harsh a reaction as the rest of the crowd? Or was she just playing along? When does shock become a gray area?