Mysophobia [9.4.08]

If one is fortunate enough, the observance of others deciphers certain human phenomena, such as the ever-popular mysophobia or more commonly "germaphobia". Those who claim to be "germaphobes" do just that - allege to be afraid of dirt, dust, spills, etc. In turn, the majority of society questions the actual existence of such a disease, and most come to a negative conclusion; said "germaphobe" does not have an actual lack of immunities, but rather heightened egotism. Consequently, observing one whose "fear" is both impractical and unavoidable leaves the observer with nothing less than entertainment equal to cinematic quality. One of the most fascinating parts of the germaphobic lifestyle is the behavior seen at large social gatherings. Spotting the dripping punch keg, I responded with what I assumed to be a suitable solution - a napkin on the floor. However, my germaphobic friend took the alternative route and placed a trash can under the dripping spout. The twist? When replacing the napkin with the trash can, most people would also pick up the napkin and have the trash can actually replace it. Because the napkin was soaked to the floor, my friend refused to relocate it, and instead placed the trash can directly over it. Twenty minutes later, I stepped on a pretzel while on my way to a punch refill. I instinctively turned to my germaphobic friend and apologized for spreading crumbs because I knew the slightest of messes was one of his greatest irritations. Realizing how second nature and almost trance-like my apology was, I sheepishly returned to my seat. Minutes later, a twentieth-century peace offering came in the form of hand sanitizer. After I used it, my friend played it safe and smelled my hands in order to observe the aftermath of the sanitizer. With one whiff, he closed his eyes in disgust and returned to the sink, where he washed his hands for the third time. Frankly, I was stumped: does he realize germs are chronic? How long are his showers? Does he catch a cold as often as I do? And most importantly, when is the last time I washed my hands?